The Signs of a Fool- According to Indian Elders

The human need for drama is only second to the human need for food. We thrive on drama and theatrics as much as real food. No doubt that an incompetent leader of a hungry and corrupt land loves holding festivals- fill their hearts with entertainment when their stomachs are half empty.

Only second to that is our need to classify everyone and everything. Sure it is a function of our strong survival instincts but I can’t help but think that people are obsessed with classification of other people into their ‘designated categories.’ The worst part of this classification came in the form of the Varna System- I have classified you such on the basis of your birth and now you must get ready to bear that burden.

But the old people had unique insights to share and learning about them is an academic and personal exercise I love to engage with. One such diktat was the signs of a fool- some patterns of behavior you could only expect to see in the intellectually challenged. Consequently, a pregnant woman was forbidden to partake in the last of these activities to ensure her child receive high IQ points.

Exploring these ideas is like looking through a time capsule that holds history for what it is and not for the overarching narrative we see it as. I am deeply interested in this ‘lived’ history, even if it seems ugly and indigestible to my 21st century sensibilities.

Here are the signs of a fool

Eating while walking

I don’t know many people who eat while walking. As someone who is always in a hurry and short of time who can easily fall within a millisecond the moment she takes her mind off the active ‘movement of walking,’ I always found it fascinating that people could eat or drink while walking. I only ever saw this happening in western movies. The only other real example was people eating ice creams while they walked on Mall Road. What is it about fools that makes them prone to eating while walking?

Is this about the disrespect of Anna Devata or is it a sign of a disturbed mind that cannot sit down to handle an important task with focus and reverence. Maybe it is more about people having less awareness of the sacred process of consuming food - another philosophical and religious idea that my country is riddled with. I believe it is because a fool’s mind is too distracted and he has no control over his body movements. A person in hurry who could not take time to have food in peace, who stuffs his mouth with whatever he can find easily while he hurries to his destination must definitely sound like a idiot to the traditional Indian mind.

I wonder how that would even be possible considering most of Indian food is notoriously difficult to eat in movement. Even the humble pakoda demands you to sit down and relish it with tea or it is disrespected by the fool who doesn’t understand the joys of rain and pakodas.

To laugh while talking

I have puzzled my little brain thinking about this. How could it be a sign of a fool to laugh when he talks. All the movies I ever saw depicted happiness as people chattering and laughing- the biggest, widest and most discomforting grins that will tear open their lips coupled with a loud thunderous haha was the ideal. Hell! even wedding pictures have the same laugh. It is the cult of capturing the widest mouth possible. Why would I be interested in the insides of your mouth?

But it isn’t uncommon. Many old people I had the misfortune of communicating with were against laughing. They saw it as crude and stupid. Some even though laughing demands undue attention- sometimes from people, other times from spirits. Laughing was prohibited in the jungle or near water streams- places frequented by spirits who could take over your body and cause anything from unconsciousness to fever and from hallucinations to ultimate death.

It seems more like etiquette for high society instead of a decree but I believe there is another element hidden here. Many people who laugh during a conversation are not doing so only because they are merry. The laugh could denote nervousness, anxiety and even assertion of dominance. The idea is to pick the sheepish laugh from the dominating rumble of a oil mogul who wants to buy half your town for business.

To brood or grieve over the past

A very broad idea that will certainly lump all 9 billion people in this world in a unicellular mass of grief and regrets is the habit of thinking about the past. We are all guilty of brooding and grieving over the past. One must never look back into a past- its a dark abyss and all your memories are merely unreasonable representations of your life. You only remember a chunk of what you went through and it is a flexible cube of information that can be molded at will.

Those who think too much about the past are prisoners of their own mind. They love the cage so much they would give up the world for the comfort of their unreliable memories. It goes both ways. I have known some who are stuck up on their micro achievements while others are still nursing a heartbreak from school. Change is the only constant in this world. Those who refuse to change will perish and in this way they are the biggest fools of them all.

To boast of one’s kindness

I would recommend this. You can either be kind or you can boast of your kindness. Both cannot go hand in hand unless you are a politician trying to win votes of people you hadn’t cared about in the past 5 years. It doesn’t matter anyway because he was not kind and the people love his boasting more than they love his benevolence.

To walk up unsummoned to two people talking privately

As someone who hates people who call her twice, I can relate with this. Do not interrupt people talking with each other. They may be gossiping about you or discussing the 19th love affair of their favorite star. They could also be discussing astrology and how the Mercury retrograde is harsh on their already stifled cognition. DO NOT attempt this. It is unkind.

In fact, I will one up you. DO NOT get close to a man who is sitting in a corner, his drink in hand and staring blankly at the floor. That man has seen things you don’t want to hear about. Avoid also the woman who stands with pursed lips and hands hugging herself tightly as she holds her pieces together.

To tear grass into small pieces

Hard to understand the real reason behind this. I think people do all this when they are bored to death. Think about a village idiot- the boastful kind who is only moving through the fields because his father is the chief. He takes a liking to you- who is already bored with the small number of passtime available in the quaint little village.

He becomes your friend and speaks nonstop about his amazing father and grandfather. He goes on to speak about his ordeals and his problems in love. You listen- half indifferent, half dead as you tear the grass into pieces. It’s a testimony of your bubbling anger. Its a sign of an intelligent person who knows not to make an enemy out of the village chief’s son.

To smack the knees

I understand why this could sound irritating. I cannot deny the ancients. Knee smacking looks and sounds weird.

To write on the ground

I wonder why that was added as a mark of a fool. What else could you have done if you were bored in a village, waiting for your cattle to graze before you take them back? I can imagine myself taking a stick and drawing weird shapes on the ground- making the dust my canvas. Who knows if one day it turned into a ancient painting that allows people to look at the design sensibilities of my times? I would not want that to happen. Let’s leave my amateur lines on the ground for now and tell everyone else not to engage in this activity either.

That’s it. These are all the signs of a fool according to some of our ancient vidvans. I hope they had their reasons.